[::..Muslim Boy meets girl.Just don't call it dating!..::]
I don't know which is worst. Being stuck in a loveless marriage or being unmarried. The reason why I am writing this entry today, is because I am frustrated. Frustrated only because of the pressures of 'being of age' and yet not married. Let me be open about myself. I am 29yrs old next month and I am a working professional-and unmarried.
How many times have I attended a gathering, and the only thing that oldies are interested in is my marital status. And what hurts most, is when I tell them I'm unmarried, and they go, "Really? At this age? What do you do? I will look for a nice boy for you!" I know mummy-ji, you mean well, but really, it is rather embarrassing when you say it infront of 10 other ladies who are happily married and popping babies. And guess what? Mummy-ji is not even my birth mother, she is, just an elder in my community, and don't get me wrong, with all due respect to her and her good intentions, I can't help feeling abit...ugggghhhh!
Sadly, I have been dating all my life. In Singapore, it seems like the norm. Boy meets girl, they fall in love (or so they think), they meet someone else, and the whole thing fall apart. And within a span of few legal years, they repeat that scenario about 10 more times. And when I came to London, I thought, "Wow! Dating galore!" Yeah, among the non Muslims! But among the Muslim community, surprise surprise, doesn't matter where the hell you are from, as long as you're a Muslim, people here do it the right way. And even more so for the Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshi communities. Truly, it is such an eye opener. Even 'online dating' like emails and chatting can be frown upon. But the Muslims here, I really salute them. So much respect for them. Though match making is seen as a dog gone practice, in London, it is rampant!
To me, I thought, the boys here should be really out spoken, extroverts and will look for their own match. But no! They still rely on friends, family members or even community elders to find them a suitable match. This is very very exciting. Well, not for me, coz I don't know if I can ever cope with match making. I don't know if I will ever be able to marry a man whom I have seen only once and then that's it. "Let's get married Baby!" So, me with my Singaporean ideas, in London, can be a bit difficult to meet someone. As it is, when I go to gatherings in Singapore, it is quite normal for a guy to come up, pull a chair and sit next to you without even touching you. Just for a chat. Here, I can sometimes be sitting in a corner, and you can see a huge radius of open space. All the single boys avoid me, and the only ones who speaks to me are either the very old boys, or the married once or twice boys, or the Singaporean boys. One Malaysian guy once told me, "Eh Farah, semua takut nak duduk sebelah you, coz semua belum kawin!" And I laughed and laughed and just laughed.
So, how do Muslims meet in UK? This is a real eye opener. There is a website for those who are committed in looking for a life partner. Single Muslims.com I heard there are nice boys and ladies who uses that website to look for life partners.
Second method is of course asking your parents, aunties, village or community elder to look for someone for you.
Third method is introduction thru friends.
Fourth method is maybe to go for social gatherings like fund raisers, open houses, religious classes and hopefully you meet someone there.
Fifth method is Muslim Speed Dating. This is really new to me as well. My cousin Faza from Australia told me that apparently it is big in UK. And guess what? I am here and I know nothing about it. Go figure. What organisers do is that they will get equal number or men and women, sit them at a circular conference table, and open a topic like, "Listen to your mother, or your wife?" Or maybe, a matter close to my heart ,"Dress up for your husband, keep your figure nice and stay slim and healthy!" Then of course there will be proper marriage topics and all. Interesting. And I thought that was it.
Apparently, in US, they have the "Matrimonial Banquet". Where they sit 10 per table and the men rotates every seven minutes. At the end there was an hour long social hour that allowed participants time to collect e-mail addresses and telephone numbers over a pasta dinner with sodas. In this one, parents were allowed to chaperon their kids. Interesting!
Don't get me wrong. Arranged marriage does have it's advantages. And truly, it should be the way to life. Though my mind is quite set that it will never work for me, frankly, I really don't mind my family or friends making an effort to match me with someone. Maybe, just maybe, after years and years of dating different people and being disappointed with my own choice, match making, might just work. Insya Allah.
Yes, in this day and age, at this part of the world, surprisingly, people still seek marriage partners thru match making!
Vesper
"A good companion is better than solitude, and solitude is better than an evil companion."
How many times have I attended a gathering, and the only thing that oldies are interested in is my marital status. And what hurts most, is when I tell them I'm unmarried, and they go, "Really? At this age? What do you do? I will look for a nice boy for you!" I know mummy-ji, you mean well, but really, it is rather embarrassing when you say it infront of 10 other ladies who are happily married and popping babies. And guess what? Mummy-ji is not even my birth mother, she is, just an elder in my community, and don't get me wrong, with all due respect to her and her good intentions, I can't help feeling abit...ugggghhhh!
Sadly, I have been dating all my life. In Singapore, it seems like the norm. Boy meets girl, they fall in love (or so they think), they meet someone else, and the whole thing fall apart. And within a span of few legal years, they repeat that scenario about 10 more times. And when I came to London, I thought, "Wow! Dating galore!" Yeah, among the non Muslims! But among the Muslim community, surprise surprise, doesn't matter where the hell you are from, as long as you're a Muslim, people here do it the right way. And even more so for the Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshi communities. Truly, it is such an eye opener. Even 'online dating' like emails and chatting can be frown upon. But the Muslims here, I really salute them. So much respect for them. Though match making is seen as a dog gone practice, in London, it is rampant!
To me, I thought, the boys here should be really out spoken, extroverts and will look for their own match. But no! They still rely on friends, family members or even community elders to find them a suitable match. This is very very exciting. Well, not for me, coz I don't know if I can ever cope with match making. I don't know if I will ever be able to marry a man whom I have seen only once and then that's it. "Let's get married Baby!" So, me with my Singaporean ideas, in London, can be a bit difficult to meet someone. As it is, when I go to gatherings in Singapore, it is quite normal for a guy to come up, pull a chair and sit next to you without even touching you. Just for a chat. Here, I can sometimes be sitting in a corner, and you can see a huge radius of open space. All the single boys avoid me, and the only ones who speaks to me are either the very old boys, or the married once or twice boys, or the Singaporean boys. One Malaysian guy once told me, "Eh Farah, semua takut nak duduk sebelah you, coz semua belum kawin!" And I laughed and laughed and just laughed.
So, how do Muslims meet in UK? This is a real eye opener. There is a website for those who are committed in looking for a life partner. Single Muslims.com I heard there are nice boys and ladies who uses that website to look for life partners.
Second method is of course asking your parents, aunties, village or community elder to look for someone for you.
Third method is introduction thru friends.
Fourth method is maybe to go for social gatherings like fund raisers, open houses, religious classes and hopefully you meet someone there.
Fifth method is Muslim Speed Dating. This is really new to me as well. My cousin Faza from Australia told me that apparently it is big in UK. And guess what? I am here and I know nothing about it. Go figure. What organisers do is that they will get equal number or men and women, sit them at a circular conference table, and open a topic like, "Listen to your mother, or your wife?" Or maybe, a matter close to my heart ,"Dress up for your husband, keep your figure nice and stay slim and healthy!" Then of course there will be proper marriage topics and all. Interesting. And I thought that was it.
Apparently, in US, they have the "Matrimonial Banquet". Where they sit 10 per table and the men rotates every seven minutes. At the end there was an hour long social hour that allowed participants time to collect e-mail addresses and telephone numbers over a pasta dinner with sodas. In this one, parents were allowed to chaperon their kids. Interesting!
Don't get me wrong. Arranged marriage does have it's advantages. And truly, it should be the way to life. Though my mind is quite set that it will never work for me, frankly, I really don't mind my family or friends making an effort to match me with someone. Maybe, just maybe, after years and years of dating different people and being disappointed with my own choice, match making, might just work. Insya Allah.
Yes, in this day and age, at this part of the world, surprisingly, people still seek marriage partners thru match making!
Vesper
"A good companion is better than solitude, and solitude is better than an evil companion."