[::..Weekend Grilling session..::]
This weekend, I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. Best! I had my ngaji class today with Ustaz Abu Omar Borras. He is a Spanish revert who left his profession as a Paediatrician to concentrate on his Islamic studies. My usual Ustaza couldn't be with us today, so Ustaz Abu Omar took over. He is such a funny man. Looks exactly like Ustaz Farhan and speaks like a French. Yeah, why not Spanish sey? Not sure. Lama sangat pat Morocco agaknya. Incidentally, it was only me and another guy in class today. Just two of us. So, we both took turns to read from the slides provided. Initially, the guy read, then the mic was passed on to me. After I read about a few slides, I noticed that Ustaz Abu Omar did not take the mic away from me. A few minutes later, it all became apparent. He flashed a really long ayat on the screen and said, "Please read what is on the slide sister." And I was like, "
! Aku lagi!" I mean, I am not the best person to recite the Quran. I can do it, in a very very slow manner. And normally I stop because I am so tired. I feel like I have used every single muscle in my body to read just one page! And having to do it in public? No way. Too stressful. But I told myself, "Alah, few slides and it will be over!" So I took my time and I read them slides. 1 became two, and two became three, when I got to the 6th slide I sat back and told myself this is the last one. And what did he do? He flicked another slide and say, "Continue please sister!" And the ayat just kept getting longer and longer and longer. And even more and more like tongue twister. To the point, I had to read something 3, 4 times and he said, "Subhanallah sister, tell me where in that ayat you see a sheen and a meem?" And I looked at it again, and said, "Astaghfirullah hal azeem! So sorry, but sometimes Quranic words are so similar, I read them via memory!" And I laughed. Then he said, "I was getting worried that you memorised all the practice slides and it was just rolling of your tongue!" and he smiled.
Then I thought, ok, maybe last two. Later I thought, last one. And, the last never came. Never! It was like he was just sitting there enjoying torturing me. I was gonna say, "Brother Seemab (my classmate) wants a turn!" But of course I wouldn't dare. Then I made another mistake. I always get dzo and dot confused and I can't even pronounce the two hurufs. And he laughed when I confessed that I confused them all the time. He said it is a common mistake with everyone, and soon, I won't be making those mistakes ever again. Finally he said, "Last one!" And I was cheering in my heart! I finished it off as best as I could and I excused myself.
What did he do?
?
?
He said, "Before you go...can I ask you something?" I said ok. He asked me why I didn't apply for the Ijaza course. I said because I had to do a test and I am scared. He told me my recitation was good and I am certainly able to do the Ijaza course. And he insisted I MUST do the course. Ustaz Abu Omar said, "You MUST do the Ijaza course. At the end of this course, you will be tested. I will choose a random page in the Quran and you will read it, and I will place you in a level that is suitable for you. But you must try the test. Also, I think you should learn Quran memorisation as well."
I went: 
when I heard that I could do the Ijaza course, but when I heard that he would recommend me to do the Alquran Memorisation course, I went like this 
! Don't think I can do the last bit. Not at this age! Can even remember what I did yesterday, what more a whole Quran. Then I think he heard me whimper and he sensed I was a bit scared. He said, I can choose maybe memorise parts of the Quran. I told him Insya Allah.
So, now I understand why he gave me so many slides to read earlier. He was trying to grill me. So in two weeks time is my test. Doakan ya kawan kawan!
Farah
Monday, December 8, 2008
[::..My First Eid Prayer..::]
All sorts of nonsense happen on the way. As usual, Circle Line is so full of rubbish. Kept on stopping. I kept looking at my hp to check the time. My ipod is blasting the Takbir ever since I left my home. Reached Baker Street. Got off the train, crossed the street and was almost knocked down by a really speedy BMW convertible. I was still smiling after after escaping! Thank God I'm still walking and not sprawled on the street. Late already! Made a heartfelt doa to Allah swt to please keep a place for me in the warmth of the prayer hall. Confession time: I have never went to a mosque for Eid prayers. I have never even been under the block for Eid prayers. But this time I must make it different....travel across town in the cold, early morning to do my prayer in congregation. Thankfully enough, last night in pengajian Hilaal went thru the way to solat Eid. I didn't know how to.
Went there, reached there and the door was closed. My heart sank. Must be full. Then i looked at the shoe rack, gosh it's empty. So I opened the door and saw a sea of people in all races and colours waiting for the Imam to start the takbir. One thing about England is that it really brings out the worst in Singaporean, Malaysians and Indonesian. Very sombong with their own kind. Don't want to give a space, never mind. Fine with me. But at least when someone ask politely, or smile at you, return back the kindness. In my previous blogs I have written how some makcik makcik clutching their Guccis and YSL bags and just refuse to return a salam, or even a smile. Kena jeling lagi ada. Ok...whatever. So I saw this Makcik near the door, and I said salam. I could see her face, so so masam like buah asam! I asked if it is an empty spot, can i sit there? She signalled with her hands like a very reluctant 'ok'. But i went there and stood there. As I was going to put my bag down, she moved her body and stood exactly where I was going to sit. I looked at her, and she clearly uncomfortable with her own actions, pretended not to look at me. Takut agaknya or what, I don't know! Then i saw a little spot for myself. A Somali family gave me. I was so thankful.
The ladies area was so super packed. And yet, people were still coming in and for some reason, no one came out. I am very amazed at how people can still find space. Mind you, it is a place of worship, doesn't belong to anyone, so nobody have the right to solat bukak kepak and be comfortable. Everyone has to play a part and squeeze. I kept on looking at the door. How come, so many people and yet the shoe rack is empty. Where are the shoes of these people. Then I realised, they brought their shoes inside in plastic bags. Like how we did in Umrah. So I said to myself, "That's it. My shoe...." Then I said a doa, "Ya Allah, if it is qodar for me to walk back with that shoe, it will be saved only by your power." And i just forget about the safety of my shoes after that.
A lady sat between me and the Somali lady. She asked me if it is ok. I said yes. Now a bit cramp, but later when we stand up, we will be ok I said. So the imam started the takbir then we prayed. It was very quick. 2 Rakaat. I was waiting for the Khutbah. Central Mosque normally delivers English Khutbahs...I think. But it was in Arabic. I was so fed up. But I can't leave because people were at the door. Everyone was in such a merry mood. People were congratulating each other on the goodness of this day. It was so nice. Only, as usual, the southeast asians will only talk among themselves.
I went out and waited for the bus. And then took two other buses home. I kept sleeping in the bus. So sleepy! Few friends call me to see if we should go out. But in the end, I ended up being a reporter, a blogger, and an emailer....So, that's my day.
Another Raya without the family. Another one spent alone. Next year Insya Allah....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
[::..Selamat Hari Raya Haji..::]
For the very first time, Hari Raya Haji means more to me. The past few years, the only Eid I know is Aidilfitri and it is all because we have to fast for one month, the teraweehs and all the good things we have to do in that special blessed month. Hari Raya Haji never meant that much to me as I never know the significance of it all other than people going to Hajj and the occasional sacrifice we have to do. It is important to them, but but about us who are not in Mecca?
Everything is different now. Ever since I came back from Umrah, and being able to see Arafah, Mina, Muzdaliffah, Masjid Nameerah physically makes me more aware of the importance of Hajj eventho I am not among the pilgrims. From the 1st of Zulhijjah, we are recommended to do good deeds as no other deeds is more loved by Allah swt than the deeds done in the first 10days of Zulhijjah. So, we should fast, be more steadfast in Islam, do more sunnah things, give charity and of course for all those who can afford it, it is highly recommended and some schools say Wajib to offer an animal for sacrifice. I learn a lot more about the history of the Hajj, and the significance of the story of our beloved Prophet Abraham a.s. Also, the 9th day of Zulhijjah is the Day of Arafat in which people who are not performing hajj should fast and the rewards are sins of 2 years will be forgiven. We are encouraged to say the Takbir often till the 13th of Zulhijjah and of course to attend the Eid Prayer in congregation. Praying in congregation is becoming more and more important to me now as I do not want to rugi on the rewards of solat jemaah. So much better than praying alone. I didn't know a lot about this previous years. In fact, i always went to work. But this year, i checked the prayer times in Central Mosque and also how to get there, check for any line disruptions on the Tubes and all sorts.
Yes, it is different this year. I remember as a kid, Eid is always about new clothes, dressing up, make sure i do not get pimples, new coat of paint in the house, lots of cakes, lots of drinks, good food and lots of packets of money. The religious aspects of Eid in Singapore is soooo under emphasised. I wish, i wish, people would actually pay more attention to doing good than doing the unnecessary. But then again, the attitudes of Singaporean is that when someone don't have nice food, or nice cakes, or nice drinks in the house, they will be looked down upon. People actually forget that we have to be thankful with what the host gives us.
In the morning, I watched the live telecast of the pilgrims in Arafat. And my eyes are always in tears. Reminds me so much of mecca, the atmosphere, the crowds, and the attachment you have for that place. Such a wonderful feeling and yet such a sad feeling that it is not time to be there yet. By invitation only people! Insya Allah, one day, my turn will come and when I go, I hope I have a nice, pious companion next to me. But I know, He will always be my companion.
Few days ago I dreamt....it was a not so nice dream. I wont say it is a scary dream. But it is a dream that i rather forget. I dreamt I was diving. With my handbag, and I was running out of breath. No matter how I tried to swim to the surface, I still can't reach it. But for some reason or another, i kept getting a lifeline, i was able to breath thru my nose and get oxygen without snorting the water into my lungs. But I was so breathless, swimming up with all my might. Finally I reached the surface, took a big breath and guess what? Opened my handbag which was with me for some reason while I was diving, and checked if my mobile phone was still working! So typical Singaporean right! Sesak nafas takpe asal hp tak rosak! Sigh...
So, selamat hari raya haji, maaf zahir dan batin...You must celebrate. You must! It is recommended!
Farah
"Beware of destroying what you built, dispersing what you gathered, eliminating what you gained, regressing after guidance and deteriorating after refining."