[::..My Heart Bleeds..::]
Salam everyone.
Yesterday, I was extremely in distress. I was just thinking about my life, where it is heading, what I have to deal with, it really put a damper in my weekend. And not only that, it had affected the mood of the 2 person that I care most these days-my mum and someone. Sometimes, when I am alone, I think about all the crap I have to deal with, and feel sorry for myself. But what I always forget is that Allah swt gave me it, so I have to deal with it as He knows best.
Most of my anguish comes from thinking about how someone has to deal with all this nonsense that I am dealing with. It is just not fair on the someone. The someone deserves the best in life, coz the someone is just so perfect. The someone deserves beauty coz the someone is just so beautiful. The someone deserves kindness coz the someone is just extremely kind. I feel like telling that certain someone, "I'm so sorry, but you need to go coz I don't want you to hang around when things gets worse!" But truly, I don't want the someone to go. I want the someone to be here when I am down, to pick me up when I fall. But yesterday, I was inconsolable. The someone was at lost as to how to comfort me. And to make matters worse, I feel like I am about to take the leap into the waterfall again, 3 months later. I have been inching towards it all these weeks. But I manage to stall for time. I manage to stop myself. I do not want to take the leap and hit rock bottom like it did last year. Only Allah swt can save me. Only He can save me.
Then today, I woke up, and saw the most beautiful wintry day. The snow flakes were big and they were floating beautifully, falling from the glorious sky. It was such an amazing feeling. Masya Allah. It was beautiful. April showers, more like April snow. They settled on the cars, the bin bags that's strewn outside, but when they hit the roads, they melt away so quickly. So, nothing last forever, all the beauty in this world will fade away. But what will stay is the impact that the beauty left in your life. I want to be remembered like the snow. Someone who brings happiness briefly to anyone. It doesn't have to be luxury cars, it can be a normal car, it can be bin bags and then melts away....
We have been getting really weird weathers in UK. But, it's fine with me. Rain, or shine, or snow. It is always a glorious day. Who knows, when will we ever see another day tomorrow.
Just like how I always look at his face. And sometimes he ask why was I just staring? I always say in my heart, "Coz I am afraid, each time I see you, will be the last I see of you!" So I always look at his face, those gentle eyes, that hair, that nose, that lips and I will say a silent prayer, "Oh Allah, I am in absolute need of the good You send me!"
Destiny always has a way of giving you it, or taking it away from you. What is yours, is yours and what is not meant to be will never be. But destiny is held at the end of rope of supplication (doa). So supplicate and ask to Allah swt of anything.
My heart is in turmoil. I want something. I want many things. I have never wanted something so bad. I want to be cured. I want to be normal again.
Farah
"My Lord! I am in absolute need of the good You send me."
Yesterday, I was extremely in distress. I was just thinking about my life, where it is heading, what I have to deal with, it really put a damper in my weekend. And not only that, it had affected the mood of the 2 person that I care most these days-my mum and someone. Sometimes, when I am alone, I think about all the crap I have to deal with, and feel sorry for myself. But what I always forget is that Allah swt gave me it, so I have to deal with it as He knows best.
Most of my anguish comes from thinking about how someone has to deal with all this nonsense that I am dealing with. It is just not fair on the someone. The someone deserves the best in life, coz the someone is just so perfect. The someone deserves beauty coz the someone is just so beautiful. The someone deserves kindness coz the someone is just extremely kind. I feel like telling that certain someone, "I'm so sorry, but you need to go coz I don't want you to hang around when things gets worse!" But truly, I don't want the someone to go. I want the someone to be here when I am down, to pick me up when I fall. But yesterday, I was inconsolable. The someone was at lost as to how to comfort me. And to make matters worse, I feel like I am about to take the leap into the waterfall again, 3 months later. I have been inching towards it all these weeks. But I manage to stall for time. I manage to stop myself. I do not want to take the leap and hit rock bottom like it did last year. Only Allah swt can save me. Only He can save me.
Then today, I woke up, and saw the most beautiful wintry day. The snow flakes were big and they were floating beautifully, falling from the glorious sky. It was such an amazing feeling. Masya Allah. It was beautiful. April showers, more like April snow. They settled on the cars, the bin bags that's strewn outside, but when they hit the roads, they melt away so quickly. So, nothing last forever, all the beauty in this world will fade away. But what will stay is the impact that the beauty left in your life. I want to be remembered like the snow. Someone who brings happiness briefly to anyone. It doesn't have to be luxury cars, it can be a normal car, it can be bin bags and then melts away....
We have been getting really weird weathers in UK. But, it's fine with me. Rain, or shine, or snow. It is always a glorious day. Who knows, when will we ever see another day tomorrow.
Just like how I always look at his face. And sometimes he ask why was I just staring? I always say in my heart, "Coz I am afraid, each time I see you, will be the last I see of you!" So I always look at his face, those gentle eyes, that hair, that nose, that lips and I will say a silent prayer, "Oh Allah, I am in absolute need of the good You send me!"
Destiny always has a way of giving you it, or taking it away from you. What is yours, is yours and what is not meant to be will never be. But destiny is held at the end of rope of supplication (doa). So supplicate and ask to Allah swt of anything.
My heart is in turmoil. I want something. I want many things. I have never wanted something so bad. I want to be cured. I want to be normal again.
Farah
"My Lord! I am in absolute need of the good You send me."